


I couldn't take care of you

by Living_in_SCoups_eyelashes



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Established Relationship, Grown Up, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Non-Idolverse, family life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-08-24
Packaged: 2018-12-03 01:35:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11521788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Living_in_SCoups_eyelashes/pseuds/Living_in_SCoups_eyelashes
Summary: Jeonghan was the perfect partner, but Seungcheol just had to swerve back to the past he can't let go of.Or where Seungcheol cheats on Jeonghan with Jihoon.(Will be updated when I'm down for it aye. Warning: everything is sad)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sad. Seungcheol looks so bad here. Sorry.

"We'll get a house of our own one day." He held Jihoon's hand tightly as his eyes sparkled at the thought. "We'll have a happy family. I'll cook for you and massage your shoulders when you're tired and we'd argue about the small things. You'd probably be often mad about me being annoying but I can live with that." He received a sharp glare from the younger and an elbow hit his side. "I love you Jihoon. We'll be together for the rest of our lives." 

"Soon Cheol. So soon." 

\---

"Welcome home!" A happy figure came rushing to him as soon as the door flung open. "I cooked a lot of food." The man was flustered as he got his bag off and loosened his tie. "I also prepared your bath." He enthusiastically declared. 

"Thanks, Haney." Was the reply as he lazily walked over to the bathroom and shut the door.

They faced each other at the dinner table. Jeonghan stared adoringlt as Seungcheol ate the food he had prepared.

"Where's Chan?" Seungcheol asked in between mouthfuls.

"Asleep. He has a slight fever so I had to make him stay at home for the day." Jeonghan answered with a not so obvious frown.

"I see. Did he take medicines?" He was about to take another spoon but continued. "Oh. Ofcourse he did. You're good at taking care of people."

Jeonghan smiled widely at the compliment and hummed as he continued to watch his husband eat. "I love you so much."

\---

Jihoon unbuttoned Seungcheol's shirt ever so slowly. He carefully slid it off his shoulder then his hands trailed back up to wraps his arms around Seungcheol's neck. "Cheol" He got a a low hum. The familiar hum he had heard since they were in highschool. Jihoon climbed to the bed to settle on the older's lap and placed his chin on his shoulder. His arms travelled down to his torso, just to end up being sliding to his back. "This is wrong.... but I don't want it to end." 

Seungcheol slowly planted on his neck. "It doesn't have to. I love you Jihoon. I'll always be here."

Seungcheol goes home that night to the nice smell of dinner being cooked by Jeonghan. He was greeted by the tight welcome hug he had been used to for 2 years. 

"Appa! Channie's better now." The child beamed a smile from the sofa. "Eomma took good care of Channie and made the bad fever go away! Like pororo!" 

"This child." He sighed then turned back to his husband. "Dinner is ready. Let's all eat together, okay?" He hugged Seungcheol once more. 

He knew it was all crumbling down. He knew the unfamiliar scent that had been familiar to him for months now. He knew he didn't have it in him to speak about it. Jeonghan was that desperate to preserve what they had. 

He hugged Seungcheol from the back and nudged closer. His arms were pushed away but he held them together tighter. He had to silently fight for what they had. 

\---

Seungcheol had been away for a week for a business trip abroad. Or so he said. Jeonghan knew it was a dumb lie. He left his suitcase at home. 

A week passed and Seungcheol wasn't coming home. Chan had to be rushed to the hospital after 3 days of high fever. Jeonghan was panicking and broke down beside the sleeping Chan. He called his mom back in their province. "Mom, could you come here?" 

His mother rushed to get there the next day. Chan had to stay for 3 more days. Jeonghan picked up his things from their house. 

On the last day, he cooked food to last Seungcheol a week and stored them in the refrigerator. He left a note. "Thanks for everything. I love you. Tell Jihoon I said hi."

As soon as Chan was discharged, they drove home. They drove to his mother's home. "What about papa? When are we coming back?" Jeonghan looked out the window as tears rolled down his cheeks. His mother reached for his hand and squeezed them.

"You'll stay at my house for now. You like granny's house right? I have lots of strawberries you can pick." Chan eagerly looked out the window and chanted "Are we there yet?" until they actually got there.

\---

Seungcheol got home at midnight and carefully tiptoed into their room. He switched off the lights and a slight panic rushed through him as he found the empty bed. He ran towards the same empty room of their child. 

In the daze, he paced back and forth in the kitchen and noticed the note. He dialed Jeonghan's number. His name flashed on his phone. 

Jeonghan felt his phone vibrating and as soon as he saw the caller ID, he started sobbing. 

"It's okay, Seungcheol. I understand. I'll take care of Chan, I'm great at taking care of people right? I wish I was good at taking care of relationships as well." He paused to swallow a sob. "I love you so much. Please take care always." He dropped the call and found himself staring at the wall with uncontrollable tears running down.

Chan slowly walked in and hugged him with his small arms. "Channie is here for Eomma." Jeonghan cried even harder as he held his boy in his arms.


	2. It's a Cycle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeonghan can't help but think of Jisoo

"I'll be back by next month. I'll pick you up from your apartment once I get back. I'm boarding now. See you soon. I love you."

Jeonghan stared at his phone after the call. He wasn't able to utter a single word as Jisoo dropped the call abruptly. He was supposed to feel sad that he was going to be apart from his love but he stood and headed to the kitchen to get water as if nothing happened. Jeonghan learned to act as if nothing happened. Over time, it evolved to the feeling of emptiness. 

Are you up?  
I'll go there now.  
Sent at 1:04 a.m. 10/04/10

I'll be waiting.  
Received at 1:04 a.m. 10/04/10

Jeonghan entered the floor number and leaned on the cold elevator walls. It's not like he often came here nor did he plan to. It just became the natural thing to do once Jisoo was gone.

Seungcheol was leaning on the door post with a big, excited smile plastered on his face. "I've missed you a lot, love." 

Jeonghan buried his face onto the man's chest and sniffed his strong perfume. "I need love and attention. I need so much of it." 

Seungcheol carried him on his arms and gently laid him on his bed. "I'll get you coffee. Stay there and hug your stuffed toys for a while." 

On the bed were around 10 stuffed toys that were accumulated over the span of 3 months. Over the span of their 3 months of dating behind Jisoo's back. 

Jeonghan teared up at the thought of being a cheater. He teared up more at the second thoughts he had about his feelings for Jisoo. 

I'm here! It's ridiculously hot. I wish we could come here together someday.  
I love you baby <3 :*  
Received 3:00 a.m. 10/04/10

He stared at the message on his phone as he squeezed a stuffed bunny to his chest. There was hesitation in sending a reply. He knew he had to lie but he couldn't find it in his heart to do so.

That's good. Take care my love! <3  
I can't sleep so I went over some friend's house.  
I miss you Jisoo. I love you too.  
Sent 3:05 a.m. 10/04/10

"Got your coffee." Seungcheol was cutely tiptoeing towards Jeonghan when he noticed the other tearing up while looking at his phone. 

"What's wrong?" He placed the mugs on the bedside table and positioned himself behind Jeonghan to slowly wrap his arms around the sobbing mess, waiting for a possible rejection. Jeonghan did not move an inch, a sign for Seungcheol to go ahead. 

"I'm being bad, am I? I'm more than bad. I don't deserve Jisoo. I don't deserve you." Seungcheol was surprised by the sudden statement. He had always been okay with their set up. He was contented with being the reserve as it meant being able to be with Jeonghan. Besides, he isn't a fan of commitments.

Seungcheol pulled the other to face him. He sanwiched Jeonghan's face to lift his face and stare him in the eyes. "You deserve all the love in the world, honey. You deserve to be loved. There's nothing wrong with that." At that, Jeonghan cried even more to which Seungcheol responded with a kiss on the forehead and a tight hug.

Jeonghan clung onto Seungcheol's sleeves as he tried to compose himself and catch his breath. "I have to end this." 

Seungcheol did not answer but tightened his hug.

"I have to stop hurting Jisoo. I know he knows about this but he's too kind to confront me about it." At that moment, a reply from the said man came.

Say hi to Seungcheol for me. :)  
Received 3:15 a.m. 10/04/10

Seungcheol tried to hush the crying Jeonghan by wrapping the blanket over their heads and enveloping him in his arms. He kissed the top of his head continuously while repeating the same words over and over again. "I'm here. I'm here. I'm always here." 

\----

An unexpected knock came on Jeonghan's apartment door one early morning. He lazily pulled himself from his bed and opened it to see who his visitor was.

Once the door opened, an aggresive hugged attacked him. They both fell on the floor. "I've missed you so much my loooooveeee." 

Jeonghan felt his stomach twist. "I miss you Shua." 

They picked themselves up and Joshua pulled a bag from the door step. "Look at all these things I got for you! I sent the pictures to you but I don't think you've seen them yet." 

Jeonghan refused to open his messages. He hoped Joshua would be too busy again and forget to come over like he always did. Like what Jeonghan was used to. 

Joshua excitedly brought out various souvenirs, food items, clothes and many others. Jeonghan couldn't help but stare at him, how his face glowed so brightly, how he was genuinely in love with him. Jeonghan felt that twist again. He knew Joshua didn't deserve his infidelity. 

He stopped Joshua mid-sentence, who was telling stories of how his meeting had to be rescheduled so he weaved his way to his apartment instead. Jeonghan held Joshua's arm looking down. 

"What'a wrong Han?" There was genuine worry in his voice. Jeonghan tightened his grip as he lost control and a tear fell. "Let's stop this. Stop being such a martyr. Who do you keep coming back to me?"

"What are you saying? Am I nit allowed to visit my boyfriend?"

Jeonghan stood and looked up in a desperate attempt to stop his tears.

"I don't know if you're doing this intentionally." 

He paused to look at the younger. 

"I don't know why you keep on coming back to me when you know I run to Seungcheol the moment you're gone. I don't know why you never talked to me about it. I don't fucking know why you're here." 

Joshua stood to try and hug the older but Jeonghan pushed his hands off. 

"I don't know why you still love me."

Joshua wasn't able to respond. He just smiled with that beutiful curve on his lips and his caved eyes. 

"You deserve all the love in the world Haney. I'll always be here." He forced Jeonghan into a momentary hug and dived for a soft peck on his cheek. "Please be happy with Seungcheol hyung. Tell him to take care of my most precious one." 

He was gone in a moment and all that Jeonghan could do was cry. 

\----

It had been 7 years since that happened. Jeonghan is now cradling Chan to sleep in his mother's house. He can't help but remember his time with Jisoo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I said, this will only be updated when I'm sad. And here it issss. Another chapter I used to hurt my fangirl heart


	3. Heaven-sent Bastard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone's back to give Jeonghan a sense of care and warmth

“You’ll be back for me, right?” Chan stood next to his grandmother while almost choking on his suppressed sob.

“Of course. Eomma just needs a little break. I’ll be back I promise.” Jeonghan held his boy tightly and gave a final kiss on his forehead. It broke his heart to leave Chan with his mother but he knew he was in no state to take care of him properly. He didn’t want to risk Chan’s well-being.

“Call me when you need help. And... dear, maybe you can try talking to Seungcheol…”

Jeonghan sighed at the suggestion and turned his back.

“For Chan’s sake.”

That did it. Tears rolled down his cheeks at the thought of getting back merely for their child’s sake and not at the reconfirmation of their love if there is even an ounce of it left.  
After a month of sleeping in various people’s houses, Jeonghan finally settled in a small apartment with a sole window facing a quiet road. It would have been okay to bring Chan along with him since a small child wouldn’t take up much space. There was a nearby daycare as well. 

“Hyung!!! The toilet’s clogged again. What do I do with you?”

It would have been completely fine had Jeonghan made up an excuse to explain the tall guy coinhabiting his apartment. There was this tall guy that made breakfast for him, that made sure every nook and cranny of the tiny apartment was clean, and made sure to scold him if a speck of dust crossed his sight. 

“Sorry Gyu. I thought it was powerful enough to push down my gigantic poop.”

“Stop being nasty!”

Within a month, Jeonghan managed to snag this giant puppy and capture his heart. In summary, he just let himself be adopted by Mingyu. At first, he decided to crash for a week but the giant couldn’t take it in his heart to let such an angelic figure wander aimlessly. 

Or so Jeonghan arranged in his mind.

In reality, he felt so comfortable and pampered that he begged Mingyu to let him stay and agreed to pay half the rent. 

“Hyung, your phone kept vibrating while you were in the bath.”

The phone rang again. Jeonghan picked it up lazily to gaze at the caller ID. As if possessed, because it is very unnatural for him, he grabbed his phone and coat within 30 seconds and ran out of their apartment leaving Mingyu to wash the dishes as usual.

“You should have contacted me! I’ll pick you up now.” His voice was slightly raised but still gentle. There was pure worry and concern. 

“No. Why?” Jeonghan barely inhaled enough air to correct his breathing. His heart stopped at the sound that once calmed his heart.

“Because I can.” 

One turn and all the memories he had kept hidden behind his head gushed in. He wanted to push the man and hit him. He wanted him gone but his action told otherwise.  
Jeonghan grabbed Jisoo’s coat sleeve while keeping his head debating with himself whether he should take this as his chance to rebuild his youth’s shattered dreams or face his present. He obviously thought it was too much work to decide right there and then.

Jisoo held him by the chin and raised his head. Jeonghan was greeted by the immaculate smile of his first love.   
“I thought I’d never see you again.”

“Fuck it” Jeonghan whispered under his breath then pulled Jisoo into a tight hug. The familiar scent that used to envelop him attacked his nose as if on cue.

“Why are you here? You shouldn’t have bothered with me. But I miss you Shua. You know how I can’t sleep on a hard bed? That was a lie. I just really wanted to sleep beside you and that coffee? I was the one who drank that and the trash! I really forgot to bring it out on time so the garbage collector missed it. I’m so sorry.” Jisoo frantically rubbed Jeonghan’s back to calm him as passer-bys stared at the scene

“It’s okay. I forgive you. Let’s talk somewhere not damp, is that okay with you?”

With that, the two were face-to-face inside a small café down the alley. Jeonghan came back to his senses and was embarrassed by his actions. His hands tapped on the table at a steady rhythm while his eyes occasionally stole glances from the glorious figure across him.

“I enrolled in an acting school. Hah… Am I good enough?”

“Han”

He thought he’d never hear him being called by that name, with that same deep but not too deep voice. He thought it would forever stay as a distant memory that could only haunt him in his dreams.

“Drink water. You’re too tense.” A gentle smile followed the suggestion.

“How’d you know about all these?”

“Auntie told me. It would have been better if she told me sooner.”

“No. How about your post abroad? You can’t leave your career even for a day because of a pitiful me.”

Joshua’s hands landed on top of Jeonghan’s closed fist on top of the table. He tried to withdraw but gave in to the warmth that he missed. 

“I could leave anything for you. And I wish I could have done the same before. If I had, we would have been here, talking about our next trip out of town and arguing about which room had the optimal sleeping condition for a sleepyhead. But I couldn’t take care of you that time so we’re here, regretting our past.”

“Regretting? Had I ended up with you, I wouldn’t have Chan.”

“But you would have had me! The man that let you feel true love for the first time”

Jeonghan rose from his seat and looked at the seated man intensely.

“Stop. You’re doing this on purpose. I know it was my fault yet you’re here claiming that it was yours. I don’t know what you want to happen by doing this but I’m getting none of it”  
Joshua was left alone in his seat with a plastered smile on his face. “I thought this day would never come.”  
\----------  
Jeonghan waltzed into the apartment and bumped into the cleaning fairy inhabiting the apartment.

“Hyung! You’re back so early. Are you feeling well?”

“That fucker. Just because I’m in this pitiful state, he had the audacity to slap me with my faults in the past?”

“What do you mean? Was that Joshua? Your first prince charming from your never-ending story?”

“Did that look like a prince charming to you?”

“Well, he did swipe you off your feet and dragged you somewhere. By the way, I thought of saving you but you didn’t resist so I took it as an ordinary day for you.”

“Am I some sort of call boy? You should have gone down and punched his saint-like handsome face.”

“Uhm…. I don’t get all these. The prince charming that you’ve been longing for a long time has finally arrived and sooner or later, you’ll be Cinderella. What’s all those wrinkles for?

“He’s married.”

Mingyu’s eyes widened at the revelation, his gasps could be heard next door as well.

“Did he tell you?”

“No. He kept pushing his hand down on mine so I thought it was sweet until I felt this gold thing digging on my finger. That little devil even smiled when I walked out! Oh the nerve of that guy!”

Mingyu simply took slow steps backward to avoid the incoming rage that was about to fall on humanity. But it simply didn’t happen. Jeonghan broke down and sobbed the entire evening until he fell asleep with dried tears on his cheeks, wrapped inside the arms of Mingyu like any other night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gah!!! I was on a one month happy streak but surpriseeeeeee life is shit. But I guess it's good because I got to write this slightly lengthier chapter of fluff JOKE.

**Author's Note:**

> I'll cry about this tomorrow, I swear.


End file.
